I spent 20 hours praying that I would wake up from this horrible nightmare. Then it hit me...this is life and it must continue on. I am alive; I have to LIVE.
Yes, I know God doesn't have a plan B and this is His will. And yes, I know He is still sovereign and in complete control. I just wish so badly that I could make sense of it all. He has called home someone that I wasn't ready to say goodbye to. Someone who I thought still had so many things left to do on this earth.
That first day is still a blur. I just wanted to be surrounded by my friends and family from home. Instead I was surrounded by a new family that I didn't even realize existed... Christ Baptist Church. I was so blessed by every single person at my new church.
Then I got on Facebook and saw that so many members of my PaulAnn family were reaching out from 9,350 miles away! And countless others that I don't even know. The prayers were definitely felt. I honestly could not have made it through those first few days without the prayers and encouragement.
Then the best call of all came...my mom received an emergency passport and boarded a flight to South Africa. My mom, along with Merrit (Jill's daughter), Luke (Merrit's husband), and Kirt (our pastor from San Angelo) arrived - and I have never felt so blessed. I could finally sit back and breathe.
Now that I could gather my thoughts, questions began to flood my mind. Foremost: What is life going to look like now? I'm still pondering that one. This was not MY plan/is not MY plan. But His ways are higher than mine ... and I will rest in that.
Here is the slideshow I created for the funeral.
